Nausheen Osman

How to be OK With Asking for Help: With Nausheen Osman

There are many reasons why people don’t ask for help. Maybe they grew up that way, or perhaps they have a need to prove themselves. One of the most common reasons is that they feel like they’re imposing.

My guest today is Nausheen Osman, HR Manager and Technical Recruiter at Planet of IT. As a working single mother of three, she feels like she doesn’t have enough time for anything. When she’s not working, she has to do everything at home, including taking care of her toddler and two teens.

Perhaps the problem isn’t a lack of time, but rather her approach. As Nausheen shares with me, she feels like asking for help is a bad idea.

Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Kim Ades: Hello, hello. My name is Kim Ades, I am the President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching and the Co-founder of The Journal That Talks Back. You have just joined The Frame of Mind Coaching Podcast, where we invite leaders from all over the world to come onto the podcast and get coached live and in person.

Today, my guest is Nausheen Osman and she is part of the HR team at a company called Planet of IT, but she also is responsible for recruiting the technical team. Nausheen, welcome.

[00:00:36] Nausheen Osman: Thank you, thank you.

[00:00:37] Kim Ades: So what is Planet IT? What do you do? Exactly explain to me what this company does.

[00:00:43] Nausheen Osman: So Planet of IT is a company which provides services to to the clients as IT services, I would say. Not only that, they are helpful in a way that when they provide it resources or services, they make sure that their client is also educated for future needs.

So if they need to work on their own, they can do it as they're on their own. So we are strongly backing up whoever we provide services to.

[00:01:14] Kim Ades: Okay. And what kind of services are you providing? Give me an example of the kind of IT services that you...

[00:01:22] Nausheen Osman: So what we provide is like, as you know, after pandemic, a lot of companies realized they had to go from home and that's how, when they really required it services. So now that we do provide [...] Engineers, architects, we do provide Microsoft 365, migration, in tunes we do provide anything related to IT where the companies can bring their platform back on IT, more remote, more capable of working on more laptops or computers and their people can work back from home as well.

[00:02:05] Kim Ades: Right.

[00:02:05] Nausheen Osman: So that was a big requirement and we were lost when pandemic happened. So this is why these companies came in and started helping out. Not, not a lot of companies had help, so that's why we are providing these services.

[00:02:18] Kim Ades: Okay, I understand. And how large is Planet of IT?

[00:02:23] Nausheen Osman: So we have 40 to 50 people working with us for now.

[00:02:28] Kim Ades: Okay.

[00:02:28] Nausheen Osman: We are a small company, but we are very like a family oriented company, so we try to make sure whichever project we take, we make it to a point that it's done till the end and we don't stop there, we also keep on kinda backing them up in future as well.

[00:02:46] Kim Ades: Got it. Okay, so maintenance, that type of thing?

[00:02:48] Nausheen Osman: Yes. Yes.

[00:02:49] Kim Ades: Okay. And you are responsible for HR and recruiting?

[00:02:53] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:02:54] Kim Ades: Tell me a little bit about you. How long have you been with the company? And tell me about you personally.

[00:02:59] Nausheen Osman: So I've been with the company since September, 2021, I was gonna say 2022 [chuckles] and I am a single mom with three kids. And my challenge with... dealing with house and work is a bit of a challenge for me because I'm working from home.

[00:03:18] Kim Ades: Okay.

[00:03:19] Nausheen Osman: So, you know, when you work from home, it's more of a challenge in the way you need a life balance, work-life balance, which I'm not able to do.

[00:03:27] Kim Ades: So let's talk about that. You said you have three kids. How old are your kids?

[00:03:31] Nausheen Osman: So my older one is 16, he's a boy, he's in high school, then I have a girl who is 14, and then I have a five year old in kindergarten.

[00:03:41] Kim Ades: Oh, wow. Okay.

[00:03:42] Nausheen Osman: So I have from a teenager to a toddler and that's a bit of a challenge.

[00:03:48] Kim Ades: And how long have-- I'm asking you personal questions. How long have you been single for?

[00:03:53] Nausheen Osman: It's been three years now.

[00:03:54] Kim Ades: Three years, okay. And are you having fun at all?

[00:03:59] Nausheen Osman: Fun... In taking care of everything you mean? [Laughs]

[00:04:02] Kim Ades: As a single person.

[00:04:05] Nausheen Osman: No, I don't. I would say I'm always occupied in work or house or work with kids, so I don't have time for myself. That's what I would say.

[00:04:15] Kim Ades: Okay. So usually at this point, I say, "what is your greatest challenge?" But you've already shared that. Your greatest challenge is the fact that you are a single mom, you have to work, you have three kids and you're not having any fun.

[00:04:27] Nausheen Osman: No [Laughs] not at all.

[00:04:29] Kim Ades: But you're smiling.

[00:04:32] Nausheen Osman: [Laughs] I would like to keep myself happy with what I'm doing.

[00:04:37] Kim Ades: Yeah.

[00:04:37] Nausheen Osman: But yeah, it's a challenge.

[00:04:39] Kim Ades: Let me ask you a question. If you look at the challenge, is it that you have no time or is it that you don't have a circle of people to support you?

[00:04:51] Nausheen Osman: I have a circle, but I don't have time to approach those people. So even I have good friends, I wouldn't complain about that, but I don't have time to reach them.

[00:05:01] Kim Ades: Okay. So let's kind of go back, okay? So you started off by saying, "I don't have work-life balance".

[00:05:09] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:05:09] Kim Ades: But you're a pretty cheerful person. It's very evident, right? You're smiling, there's something about you that's very full of life.

[00:05:17] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:05:17] Kim Ades: But it seems like you've put yourself in a life where you're not allowed to live.

[00:05:22] Nausheen Osman: You think so?

[00:05:24] Kim Ades: I do think so. And when I say "what's the real problem?" And you say, well, "I have a time shortage"... I mean, everybody has the same number of hours in the day, and sure, your circumstances may be a little bit different than the average person. I understand that. But I never think that anybody really has a time problem.

What they have is a thinking problem. And it's the way they think about the time they have, it's the way they think about their priorities. It's the way they think about making time to access their resources available to them.

It's the way they think about their responsibilities. It's the way they think about how they organize things, right? So I never think of a time problem as "I have no time". I always think about the time problem as a thinking problem, a resource problem.

[00:06:17] Nausheen Osman: Okay.

[00:06:19] Kim Ades: Okay?

[00:06:19] Nausheen Osman: And how do I deal with that?

[00:06:21] Kim Ades: Well, here's a question. So you have two kids, 16 and 15, and you have a third kid that's much younger, that is five years old. So that child, the five year old child is not really self-sufficient right? They're not independent, they can't make themselves lunch and dinner and everything else.

[00:06:39] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:06:40] Kim Ades: Right. So it's hands on deck. But the question is, is there any help around?

[00:06:46] Nausheen Osman: No, I wouldn't say that. So I look after everything.

[00:06:51] Kim Ades: And so when somebody, anybody looks after everything, there's a reason for that. They have a set of beliefs that come with it. And those beliefs might sound like, "well, nobody else can do it like me".

[00:07:05] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, that's about it. [Chuckles]

[00:07:07] Kim Ades: "I can't ask my other children. They have responsibilities, they have homework and things they need to take care of. So I can't ask them to help me".

[00:07:15] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:07:15] Kim Ades: Yes? Am I sounding correct?

[00:07:17] Nausheen Osman: Yes, absolutely.

[00:07:18] Kim Ades: Okay. It might sound like "if I ask for help or I can't afford it, it's something I have to pay for"...

[00:07:26] Nausheen Osman: Mmm... Yeah, I would think that as well. Yeah.

[00:07:29] Kim Ades: Yes. So all these things are reasons that you are stopping yourself from looking for help.

[00:07:38] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, you're right.

[00:07:40] Kim Ades: Right? So a person stays in their situation because they believe, and the word believe is very important, they have no other options.

[00:07:49] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, you're right. Absolutely.

[00:07:52] Kim Ades: Right?

[00:07:52] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:07:52] Kim Ades: And so, what happens is they stay stuck in that position. They say "I have no choice. It's the hand that God gave me".

[00:08:03] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:08:04] Kim Ades: Right? Is that something that you think?

[00:08:06] Nausheen Osman: Yes, yes.

[00:08:07] Kim Ades: Exactly that?

[00:08:10] Nausheen Osman: Exactly that.

[00:08:10] Kim Ades: Exactly that. And the truth is that God gave you two hands. [Chuckles]

[00:08:15] Nausheen Osman: [Laughs] Yes.

[00:08:17] Kim Ades: Right?

[00:08:18] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:08:18] Kim Ades: And so the question is what are we doing with these two hands. And so I encourage you to ask yourself, what do I believe to be true? Is it true that my kids, the older ones, can't carve out 10, 15 minutes, half an hour, every day to help me with my younger child? Is it true?

[00:08:39] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, I don't know.

[00:08:40] Kim Ades: You don't know, you've never asked them.

[00:08:42] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:08:45] Kim Ades: Is it true that maybe there's an opportunity for you to do a little swapping? So if you have friends who also have kids, maybe you can take them one night and they can take yours one night. Right? So a little something.

[00:08:58] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, that I never thought of, yeah. [Chuckles]

[00:09:00] Kim Ades: Your 16 year old is old enough to babysit.

[00:09:04] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:09:04] Kim Ades: Yes? Have you ever asked him to babysit?

[00:09:07] Nausheen Osman: No, never.

[00:09:09] Kim Ades: Right. And so what would it be like if he could babysit for one night and you could go out and spend a little bit of time with some friends having a bit of coffee?

[00:09:18] Nausheen Osman: Yeah. That's okay.

[00:09:18] Kim Ades: Chatting, going to a movie, going out for dinner.

[00:09:23] Nausheen Osman: Yeah. Didn't think about that. [Laughs] You're right.

[00:09:26] Kim Ades: Right? And if you're not comfortable leaving everybody with your son, which I'm sure he's very trustworthy and a good guy.

[00:09:35] Nausheen Osman: Yes, he is.

[00:09:37] Kim Ades: You're not asking the people who love you most for help. And so what I find is that when people struggle with time, there's no real shortage of time. That's not really the issue. The issue is that usually people aren't accessing the resources that are often right at their disposal.

[00:09:57] Nausheen Osman: Oh, you are right. I never thought that way.

[00:10:01] Kim Ades: So you have kids who could help, you have friends and family members who could probably help, but you're not asking.

[00:10:08] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:10:08] Kim Ades: And the reason you're not asking is because you don't believe it's the right thing to do.

[00:10:13] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:10:13] Kim Ades: Or you don't believe you can.

[00:10:16] Nausheen Osman: No, I totally don't believe it's the right thing to do.

[00:10:21] Kim Ades: And because?

[00:10:22] Nausheen Osman: Because I find it's... Asking someone for a favor is not a good idea. Maybe?

[00:10:28] Kim Ades: Because?

[00:10:30] Nausheen Osman: Because you're putting pressure on the other person. And I don't wanna be the person who puts pressure.

[00:10:37] Kim Ades: You know, I'm gonna tell you something. You can ask someone and they're allowed to say no.

[00:10:44] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, you're right.

[00:10:47] Kim Ades: When you think that you're putting pressure, you're also saying they don't have the ability to take care of themselves. They don't have the ability to choose, and that's not true.

[00:11:00] Nausheen Osman: You're right. I didn't think this way.

[00:11:03] Kim Ades: Right?

[00:11:04] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:11:04] Kim Ades: But also, you're a family with your kids. One of the lessons you wanna be teaching your kids is to help each other out, to be there for each other. And if you're not asking your kids for help, they're not gonna know to ask for help when they need it, and they're not gonna know to help each other.

[00:11:25] Nausheen Osman: Oh yeah... I never realized that.

[00:11:28] Kim Ades: Right?

[00:11:28] Nausheen Osman: You're right, yeah.

[00:11:30] Kim Ades: So it sounds like there's an opportunity for you to sit down with your two older kids and say, "Hey, do you think it would be okay if one night a week you guys babysat?"

[00:11:44] Nausheen Osman: Yeah, I can ask that. Yeah.

[00:11:46] Kim Ades: Right? Would it be okay if every day, you know, your daughter, maybe, you can read with our five year old. Right?

[00:11:55] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:11:56] Kim Ades: Maybe you can spend a half an hour reading with-- Is your five year old a girl or a boy?

[00:12:00] Nausheen Osman: It's a girl, yeah.

[00:12:00] Kim Ades: It's a girl. "Can you spend a half an hour reading with your sister?" That half an hour gives you time for other things.

[00:12:08] Nausheen Osman: You're right. Oh, thank you for arranging that for me! [Chuckles] Because I can talk like that, I actually can.

[00:12:16] Kim Ades: Right? But I'm not arranging it for you.

[00:12:18] Nausheen Osman: No, you're training me to do so.

[00:12:21] Kim Ades: All I'm doing is saying to you that the way you're thinking about things is causing you to have pressure and causing you to have stress. And it doesn't have to be that way.

[00:12:37] Nausheen Osman: You're right. I never thought that way.

[00:12:40] Kim Ades: Right? Now, these are some simple answers and solutions. There are hundreds around you that could ease your life, and give you more time. Anytime you feel... And I'm talking not only to you, but I'm talking to our listeners, anytime you feel trapped, anytime you feel stuck, ask yourselves, "what do I believe to be true that's causing me to stay stuck?" what you believe to be true is that asking for help is a bad idea. No one lives a full life by themselves.

[00:13:19] Nausheen Osman: You're right.

[00:13:21] Kim Ades: The other thing is, and I'm gonna sort of flip the switch, have you ever been asked for help? Has anyone ever asked you for help?

[00:13:31] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:13:32] Kim Ades: Do you say yes?

[00:13:33] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:13:34] Kim Ades: And when someone says, "thank you so much", how does it make you feel?

[00:13:38] Nausheen Osman: Really happy. Relaxed. I would say, "I did something good".

[00:13:42] Kim Ades: Yeah. You're not even giving your children an opportunity to feel good.

[00:13:47] Nausheen Osman: Oh yeah...

[00:13:48] Kim Ades: To contribute.

[00:13:50] Nausheen Osman: Yes. I didn't realize that. I never thought this way, I would say.

[00:13:55] Kim Ades: Pretty crazy, right?

[00:13:56] Nausheen Osman: Yeah. It's simple, but I never realized why I wouldn't think this way.

[00:14:02] Kim Ades: Sometimes the best way of really building relationships with other people is asking for help. And it's most often the last thing we do.

[00:14:12] Nausheen Osman: Yes.

[00:14:13] Kim Ades: Because we feel like we're imposing.

[00:14:15] Nausheen Osman: Yeah. True.

[00:14:17] Kim Ades: They're your children, you're allowed to impose a little

[00:14:23] Nausheen Osman: [Laughs] Yes, you're right.

[00:14:27] Kim Ades: What do you think about this ideology, this whole way of thinking?

[00:14:32] Nausheen Osman: I really like it because no one talked like this with me before. So it's something you made it simple, very simple for me to ask, because I always thought I'm responsible for everything.

[00:14:50] Kim Ades: Let me tell you this. The people that are most successful in the world are people who look around and say, "what resources are available to me? Who can I ask for help?" Because the most successful leaders, the most successful people in the world know that there's no possible way that they can do everything by themselves.

[00:15:12] Nausheen Osman: Yes. I try and then that's how I'm feeling I'm neglecting myself, I would say.

[00:15:20] Kim Ades: Yes, and in order for you to be a good mother, in order for you to contribute the most to your organization, you need to take care of yourself first.

[00:15:31] Nausheen Osman: Yes, you're right. Absolutely.

[00:15:32] Kim Ades: Yeah. Good.

[00:15:32] Nausheen Osman: Thank you!

[00:15:34] Kim Ades: Thank you.

[00:15:34] Nausheen Osman: That's so nice! You know, you made it so clear and easy for me to go on with that.

[00:15:42] Kim Ades: Yeah, I mean, I would love to hear from you again, and I wanna hear if you had a conversation with your kids or your friends, to see if you've managed to say, "Hey, I could use a little help".

[00:15:53] Nausheen Osman: I'll start with my kids first, because that is something I have in the house, that's a resource I would say I have.

[00:16:01] Kim Ades: And they might have an idea of how you could be helped, how they would like to help you, that would make your life a lot easier.

[00:16:09] Nausheen Osman: Yeah.

[00:16:09] Kim Ades: Yeah.

[00:16:11] Nausheen Osman: Something I can sit and talk tonight, for sure.

[00:16:13] Kim Ades: Amazing. So please send me an email and let me know how that goes.

[00:16:16] Nausheen Osman: Yes, I will definitely. Thank you!

[00:16:19] Kim Ades: For those of you who are listening, think about the resources that are at your disposal, that you're not tapping into. Think about the opportunities to connect with others when you ask for help. Think about how much more you could do, how much more time you would have on your hands, how much you could take care of yourself if you just asked for a little bit of help.

Nausheen, thank you so much for being on the podcast. Again, for those of you who are tuning in, if there is a challenge that you wanna share with me on the podcast, please reach out to me. It's Kim@frameofmindcoaching.com.

In the meantime, like, share, send me an email, let me know what you think. I always, always wanna hear from you. And until we meet again next week, have a great week, everyone!

[00:17:05] Nausheen Osman: Thank you! Thank you very much.

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