Why People Don’t Do What You Want: With Michelle Seiler Tucker

Have you noticed that some of your employees aren’t doing what you tell them to do? What do you think is the reason behind this? The answer is surprisingly simple. Our guest on today’s episode is Michelle Seiler Tucker. Michelle is the CEO of Seiler Tucker, a mergers and acquisitions firm, and the author of Exit Rich. Michelle sometimes feels like her employees aren’t doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. As an executive coach, I see this a lot. Leaders tend to make certain assumptions about their team that aren’t always accurate. What could be the solution to this? Listen to this episode to find out.

How to deal with difficult employees

I recently spoke with the CEO of a mergers and acquisition firm about what it meant to work with difficult employees. In her words, her clients’ greatest challenges were always the same: the people they worked with weren’t serving their needs. What did she mean by that, I wondered?

One client put it this way: “We just can’t deal with our employees anymore. People sign up and jump ship a week later because they think the grass is greener on the other side… or they’ll take two weeks off during a crucial part of the year, and then we’re not able to wrap up work until they come back.” 

It’s funny — this was one reason I started coaching in the first place. There’s often a disconnect that happens between executives and employees, and sometimes it takes a little extra work to fill the understanding gap between them.

So today we’re going to close that gap by asking the all-important question: why aren’t employees doing what you want them to be doing?

Interestingly enough (and trust me, because I’ve seen this a thousand times), the disconnect happening between you and your employees has a lot more to do with your own thinking than their actions. That’s a good thing, because it means you can control the factors needed to work more efficiently with your colleagues. Here’s five ways to do that:

1. Set your story aside

Many executives aren’t really equipped to coach their team effectively. They’ll start by making a whole bunch of assumptions, and they’ll work off of those assumptions — imagine their surprise when their team members aren’t working with the same assumptions. 

In order to start to understand your employees, you’ll need to put your own story aside and get curious about the people who work for you. Take the time to get to know your employees’ unique agendas and goals. Slow down a little bit up front, and it’ll start to pay off down the road.  

2. Learn your employees’ story 

After you’ve put your story aside, pick up a new one: the story your employees are telling. What is their day to day life like, both personally and professionally? Ask them what’s going on. Are they constantly tired? Are they checked out and disengaged? Are they motivated, but only when a certain type of work lands on their desk? Start gathering everything you can, and take notes on every detail, because it’ll come in handy for our next step. 

3. Dig beneath their story 

Now that you’ve got your employees’ stories under your belt, it’s time to go beneath them. For instance, if someone says, “You know, I’m just always feeling tired,” you need to move past that and dig deeper. Your employee is giving you part of a story, but a great leader will work beyond that and ask: “What’s going on that keeps you tired?”

Have fun with the details. Did they go out on the town last night? What kept them up late? Did they have a great time? And so on. The problem with a lot of leaders is that they come off as uncaring or uninterested in their employees’ lives. That, in turn, opens the door for willful miscommunication — an employee who doesn’t feel seen won’t go the extra mile to explain their actions to you when they do something that isn’t in line with your goals.

4. Understand their thinking patterns

Once you’ve got a handle on why your employees are doing things a certain way, you can also reverse-engineer that information to diagnose what’s stopping them from completing what needs to get done. If they’re constantly messing up a project, it might be because they don’t think they are skilled enough to do it correctly. Or it might be that they think they’re far more focused when they work from home. It might even be that they don’t think they’re allowed to delegate some of their tasks to others so they have more “brain space” to focus on what needs completing. 

The point is, knowing the thinking behind the action will help you tremendously when it comes to getting the outcome you’re looking for. 

5. Develop your coaching skills 

In my line of work, I often ask leaders to rate their comfortability with coaching, and then rate their satisfaction with their employees. And do you know what I’ve found? It’s nearly always a straight line. A perfect correlation. If the leader is a great coach, they’re usually pretty satisfied with their employees. If they’re new to the concept of coaching, they often struggle with their colleagues. 

Developing coaching skills is probably one of the most impactful ways to improve your employer-employee relationship. That’s why we teach those skills: because, time and again, we’ve found that helping leaders learn to coach is the number one way to fast-track their business goals. 

Dealing with difficult employees doesn’t have to be difficult 

Here’s what I will say: while it’s not a simple climb to developing a better relationship with your employees, it’s absolutely worth the effort. Take the plunge to understand the people you work with, and you might just be surprised by what you find.