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How To Turn Down An Opportunity Of A Lifetime

Have you ever had to choose between your career and your family? Kim and Ferne explore what Rajiv is going through and offer some coaching!

How To Turn Down An Opportunity Of A Lifetime – Fridays with Ferne #33

You’ve just been offered the job you’ve always wanted. This is the big one; it’s the “chase your dreams” type of new opportunity that only comes around once in a lifetime. You know: the thing you’ve yearned for since you were just a kid in school. You’re excited to accept the position, move onto the next chapter of your life, and begin an exciting new adventure… 

And then your parents call. You’re needed back home. Someone in your family is sick, and it’s up to you to take care of them. As a result, you’re expected to withdraw from this new opportunity. Despite the fact that you tell your family you’ve just been given the chance of a lifetime, they don’t seem enthusiastic about your new prospect. Instead, they ask you what’s more important: career or family?

Have you been here before? The classic “career or family” conundrum is more common than you think. Lots of us run up against our families when it comes to pursuing our preferred careers. Whether you’re seeking a degree against your parents’ wishes or looking to land a job that’s “too far from home,” inner-family conflicts like these are inevitable at times. 

If you’re in the middle of a predicament like this, let this blog be a crash-course on how to make (or move past) that dreaded choice: career or family?

New opportunities 

New opportunities are great. They provide us with the exciting possibilities that life is supposed to be about. But when those opportunities conflict with what our families want, they can lead to some very detrimental black and white thinking. In fact, the entire setup of this blog —

 the whole “career or family” dichotomy — is about as black and white as it gets. 

But what if it doesn’t have to be? Does it really need to be just one thing or the other? See, here’s the thing: even though we often think about them this way, most choices in life aren’t really all-or-nothing scenarios. Worse, when we do look at things in a black and white way, we tend to feel stuck, trapped and lost. And then we make decisions out of fear, guilt, shame or unhappiness. 

Challenge yourself instead to consider your values, and think about what really makes you happy. If you fast-forwarded two, three or four years out from now, which choices would you be proud to have made? And which choices would make you feel guilty or full of regret? This is important, because you never want to make a decision out of guilt. You should always be making decisions that you’re able to look back on and feel good about. 

So, if your heart’s really pulling you in the direction of your career, your first move is to make sure you don’t sacrifice your job for your family. At the same time, however, you don’t need to throw your family under the bus. There’s probably ways you can support or maintain a relationship with your family while simultaneously pursuing your career. Consider the following questions as you think about the many permutations and options that exist before you when dealing with the “career or family” problem: 

  • Can you still have a good relationship with your family if you prioritize your career?
  • Alternatively, can you still have a good career if your family is more important to you?
  • Is there a way to support your parents while still pursuing the new opportunity you’ve been granted?
  • Can you put a limited timeline on how long you support your parents before committing to your job?
  • Can a sibling or family friend support your parents while you pursue your career?
  • Can you talk with the person giving you this opportunity about ways to accommodate your family and your career at the same time?
  • If your parents don’t support your dreams, is there a way to make peace with them while still doing what you want? 

These are just some starter questions to get you thinking in shades of gray. The goal is to help you explore new possibilities when it comes to tough choices, and in doing so, create new opportunities for yourself. In the end, you might be surprised to find that you no longer even think of the choices before you as “tough” to make. 

Before we move on, it’s important to remember one thing: you’re never going to be happy if all the decisions you make are intended to make others happy. Instead, you’ll be much happier thinking of ways to make decisions that make you proud while simultaneously finding creative means to support the people around you. Instead of thinking about your situation as a “career or family” problem, get excited about ways to make “career and family” decisions. 

That’s how you create a win-win scenario that feels good in every regard.