My Internal Battle
One of the things my family and I have been getting really good at over the past 3 months is cleaning.
With so much more time at home, we’ve started to clean the nooks and crannies of our house. Last night I went into the basement and opened up the cold room to find boxes and boxes of old stuff. Some were labeled, some were not. I found boxes of stuffed animals, books, blankets, vases, bed sheets and Hot Wheels, among a ton of other things. I found the preserved dress from my first wedding – why did I think I needed to keep that? I found lots of stuff in those boxes, most of which we really don’t need.
I also found a couple of extremely important boxes labeled “Pictures” and “Kim’s Youth Memories”. Wow. In those boxes I discovered my old yearbooks, letters from old friends, love notes from old boyfriends, leadership awards and loads and loads of family pictures.
There was one picture that I found of myself, in my bedroom, taking a picture of me in the mirror. That picture hit me. I looked fantastic! I was so young! I was so thin! I was so sporty!
Instantly I was hit with a whole series of emotions…
Satisfaction for being so fit and ‘athletic’ at one point in my life.
Warmth remembering my bedroom and how much I loved it at the time.
Nostalgia for those ugly track pants that I wore – I wonder where I can get another pair?
Pride for how my life has unfolded since that time – my family, my friendships and the worldwide impact of Frame of Mind Coaching™.
And… deep regret about the fact that I have not been able to maintain the same physique as I had as a teenager.
Some people tell me that it’s ridiculous to think that I should look like I did when I was 16. I’m older now. Bodies change. I had kids. It’s NORMAL to put on extra weight. At least my skin is holding up. I’m often told I look good for my age.
BUT…SOME people stay thin and fit.
SOME people are even more fit now than they were as teenagers. SOME people just stop drinking beer and they lose like 15lbs right away. SOME people are rigorous about exercise and can burn 500 calories every time they work out. SOME people eat tons and tons of chocolate and don’t even gain a pound. SOME people don’t even like eating – they eat to survive.
Why is it so HARD for me? Why do I need to cut out EVERYTHING – alcohol, carbs, sugar, dairy, legumes, soy, night shade vegetables and STILL only lose a few measly pounds? Is it even worth the effort? Maybe I should just accept a heavier me.
I have tried every diet on the planet. I have read a bazillion books and articles about what to eat, when to eat and how to eat. I’ve had at least 16 different trainers in my life. My success has always been negligible. And… now with COVID-19, I have hit my highest weight and I feel crappy about it.
AND… to make matters worse, as a coach, I have enormous guilt – I ‘should’ have figured this out by now. I ‘should’ look better, thinner, more fit. I ‘should’ use my mental strength to visualize myself thinner and just stick to my plan, even if it’s not super effective.
THIS is my battle.
Breaking Down Internal Battles
We all have battles. We come out victorious from many of our battles. Some of them are harder for us to win.
The question is… what do you do when you have a long, on-going internal battle?
Do you pretend it doesn’t exist? Do you hide it? Do you accept that you’ve been dealt a lousy hand and wind up feeling sorry for yourself? Do you decide that other things are more important and require more attention right now?
Do you do the work to understand why this battle is more challenging than others? Do you reach out to people who can help? Do you build a support group around you to help you? And do you implement a system that if executed consistently will lead to success?
Here’s what I’m doing…
I am NOT giving up.
I am ESCALATING it on my list of priorities.
I am choosing NOT TO COMPARE myself to others.
I have FOUND A COACH who understands my struggle and I am starting to work with her this week.
I am going to work on understanding what is REALLY GETTING IN THE WAY of my success and why I sabotage any progress I make.
I am going to JOURNAL to keep myself focused on a day to day basis.
I am going to EXERCISE at my level and slowly build up my capacity.
I am going to share my nutritional plan and SEEK HELP TO IMPROVE IT.
I am going to SPEAK OPENLY about this battle.
I AM GOING TO BE KIND TO MYSELF throughout the process.
Do you have an internal battle that you might need help with? Perhaps it might help to talk it through to understand what’s REALLY getting in your way.
Oddly – that’s my specialty – helping leaders understand and win their battles. (They say that the best cobblers don’t always have the best shoes). This is what I do, and this is what I have been doing for the past 16 years. I am notorious for my coaching process and the speed with which I am able to help my clients move to a new, dramatically healthier place. Sometimes it only takes one conversation.
I invite you to reach out and set up some time to talk. I would love to hear about your internal battle, and I would love to share how I and my team might be able to help you.
Here’s my email address – firstname.lastname@example.org
I can’t wait to hear from you!