Pete Kirchmer | pop  Day 5 of 21 Day Cleanse....

Is a detox just a "diet" in disguise? This was a title of an article I recently read and it's stuck in my mind as I enter my 3rd "cleanse" in the last six months. Now on day 5 of 21 I'm present to a growing resentment and skepticism of the entire thing. On a personal level this is challenging but on a professional level it's frightening to be in a place of questioning the foundation of what you believe and teach.

Is all this cleansing really healthy or is it a "pseudo spiritual" eating disorder? The whole thing can really be all-consuming- with the drawer full of supplements and cupboard piled with special drinks and tonics. But even more consuming is the attention it occupies.

Observations and conversations about every little body sensation can get overwhelming... "Ah, I've noticed my left nostril is a little clogged, maybe there was some gluten in that". "I woke up at 3am, could it have been that Deglet Date I snuck at 7pm?" "Or maybe it's my liver? You know 3am is the time of the liver in Ayurveda". "My BM's aren't quite as firm as they should be, maybe I should go from 3 billion to 10 billion live bacteria in my probiotics". After a few weeks of that kind of thinking and talking, I'm pretty much over being me.

Growing up in the fitness industry and sampling every type of diet, nutrition program and lifestyle regimen that exists has left me exhausted and needing a break from it all. Is a cleanse really any different? Unfortunately the cure for this type of exhaustion according to my acupuncturist and naturopath is of course...another cleanse and more supplements for my poor burned out adrenal glands. Deep inhale, deep exhale.

I am reflecting on something I tell my clients, "your relationship with food is a metaphor for your relationship to yourself" (a wellness coaches way of saying, you are what you eat).

If there is any truth in that, what does this mean about me? That I see myself as dirty & toxic and in need of a good cleaning? That I need to control, and restrict in order to repent for past abuse? How could this be, I live such a healthy life?

On a deeper level though, there may be truth in the way I see myself. I have given my adrenal glands a good push for a long time. Fitness trainers are hard on their bodies and the profession demands that you keep yourself "UP" so that you can keep your clients "UP"- sometimes back to back, eight hours a day. Add your own workouts- sometimes twice a day, all the legal stimulants from the nutrition stores in the early years, a healthy appetite for a party and then multiply that by 15 years. Voila, you've got dirty, toxic adrenals.

Lisa reminds me of another thing I tell my clients, "you didn't get here in 6 months so be patient with yourself." I like to say it much more than I like to hear it but I guess it's true. Today I live clean and I walk the talk, but I haven't always. I want to think that my body would quickly adjust to my holistic lifestyle and practices but like everyone else, my lesson is patience and persistence over time. I am cleaning up the karma from my old relationships with my body and with food....and after these 21 days are up, I'm not doing any more cleanses for awhile...

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BigHugs | pop  Dear Journal,
Ok wish me luck that tomorrow will be full of possibilities. That anything will possible. That good things will happen. That I will be positive and won't cry. Please wish me luck that everything will be ok. That I will wake up in the morning, and my makeup will cooperate and hair look ok. That I will feel good. Feel happy. I need to feel ok and alright.
Sincerely,

YOU U Coach Maggie | pop  I came to write my journal and I really couldn't think of anything at all that I wanted to say. But as I sat and thought the resistance tool popped into my head. Am I being resistant to journalling? I didn't think I was so I got a piece of paper and started writing according to the resistance tool. I wrote what I am angry about:

people who don't care
dog poo on the pavements
inconsiderate people

Then I wrote what I am sad about:

Judgementalism
fanaticism
criticism

Then I wrote about what I fear:

Being unable to be creative
being unable to move house


Then I wrote about what I am sorry about:

Being shy as a child
hurting people
not taking as much exercise as I could

And then what I am grateful for:

sunshine
my husband
power (electricity)
having a roof over my head
music
family
food
people who love me
clothes
love
sharing
people

So now I have written my journal, and there was no discernible resistance, just needed to get my brain in gear.

This is such a safe place to be and I love writing my journal.

postj | pop  I've spent the last hour or so reading journals on the FOM website. It settled me down some after working all day when I had planned to take the day off, I'm now almost too relaxed to do the work I still need to do today. I realized as I was reading through member's personal profiles, how empty I really feel inside. Members talk about their personal journeys of acceptance, self-awareness, recovering and growth, and about stretching themselves in new ways. They talk about being happy and of rating their happiness at 8 or 9 out of 10. It reminded me of when I could have said that too, when I really was happy. It seems years ago now that I felt clear-headed and grounded enough to take care of myself first. It was so much easier then...I was single, I lived by myself, in a house I picked out myself. I could choose my own path, and close my door when I wanted to regroup a bit. Today I don't usually think of myself as unhappy, not until I'm put into a situation where I question whether I am or not. I think I have just managed for so many years now that I don't even notice so much. I'm not unhappy...I just can't say that I am happy. I have a zillion things I am grateful for and I try to see them on a regular basis. I am getting to know God better and trusting in his Word. I am reaching out to a few trusted friends and sharing with them again. It just hit me head on while reading about what members are doing everyday to take care of themselves or to help take care of others, and I realize what a fog I am in. At least I can see it for what it is now. Before I didn't even recognize how I'd become. I appreciate everyone's honesty so much and ask you to continue to share your triumphs and your struggles. I think we all grow from them.

I guess I see myself today as this mound of sadness, all balled up and sort of afraid. I want to feel the strength and freedom again of feeling like I am in control of my life and my destiny. I know in my head that I am in control, I just want to feel it in my heart and in my body. I want to feel alive again, mentally, physically, and emotionally alive. Confident enough in myself to know I deserve that. I want to stop feeling like all I do is whine...I know it will come. I have just grown impatient with the wait.

Pete Kirchmer | pop  Self deprivation is not something most people choose to do with their Friday night. But there I was floating in 800 pounds of epsom salt in 98 degree water, complete darkness and total silence. My latest experience was at "Float Spa"- a novel way to find deep relaxation.

Once in the chamber it took me only a few moments to find a comfortable position. With my entire body buoyant from the salt, floating weightless in a solution that matched my body temperature, all sensations started to numb. I felt like an astronaut in 0 gravity and kept getting flashes of the guy who zipped himself in a bag from the movie, "I heart Huckabees".

Once I surrendered the last ounce of tension in my body, there was nothing; I was as close to complete emptiness as I'd ever been. Merging with the infinite, non-existent and at the same time, one with all that is. Pure witness... But then, just seconds later I had the disenchanting though of pubic hairs.

"How many are there floating in this bath?", "Who was in here before me?", "I hope they used the shower", "How do they sterilize this thing?" "Oh wait, I'm supposed to be relaxing...deep inhale, deep exhale. I'll just follow my breath like meditation." I went back to just floating in the calm, dark ocean of nothingness. The only thing that existed was my breath. "But it's kind of hard to breath", "If it's totally closed off, how do they refresh the oxygen in here?" "It's kind of stale air too, it would be way better if they used an aromatherapy oil or a diffuser of some sort." "They could invent some kind of digital box for the outside of the unit where you can select a scent and maybe choose a soundtrack if you wanted music. I would offer guided meditations and visualizations if I owned this place." "They should have one of these in North County, it would probably take off. I should look into this. I'll have a meeting with the owner and do some research." "No, it's a big risk and would people think it's weird." "You know what's weird, You. Stop your frickin thinking and relax damnit! This is not the time to plan new business ideas, you've got enough on your plate as it is. You're supposed to be getting enlightened, go back to your breath!" Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale..."I kind of sound like Darth Vader in this box", "I have an itch on my nose", "I really, really want to move my leg"...

The rest of the hour was similar to these first 5 minutes. There were periods of deep relaxation followed by the typical madness of mind. I guess this is a metaphor for life. I did have some moments throughout that were quite profound and I relaxed much deeper than I typically do in savasana. When I came out of my chamber and Lisa out of hers, we were still floating for the next few hours. We had similar experiences and agreed that Floating in a deprivation tank makes you very, very hungry for sushi???

YOU U Coach Maggie | pop  I had a realisation about my expectations. I was on the You University Online open call with Maia Berens Jen Rigg Victoria King and Leanne Lloyd Crawford and I expected everyone to be themselves, I expected them to be the fabulous coaches they are and I expected the call to be uplifting. And all of those things were absolutely true.

But what about our guests on the call, who may have never been on our open calls before? It made me wonder what their expectations might be. And it occurred to me to ask myself, because I expect all those things I just mentioned, am I taking the open calls, and all our coaching calls, for granted? And I discovered the answer is both yes and no.

I do take it for granted that the calls will be uplifting and that I will learn something new every time. I am never disappointed.

I don't take it for granted how intuitive each and every one of the YOU University coaches is and how much they help me and we all help each other.

This is a wake up call for me to listen to myself and to appreciate how much I learn from everyone else and how much they learn from me.

So when the guests said that the call was awesome, and I know that it was, I can see how it is to them. I expect it will be awesome and therefore it becomes so.

I love my work.

Free2Fly365 | pop  I'll admit, I'm journaling to all members with the intention of showing up for Frame of Mind Friday. And I couldn't be happier. I find that putting my naked self out there is like unveiling a piece of fine art...and the replies are my biggest fans.

What on earth do I want to talk about? I envisioned myself writing this post summing up every damn area of my life, shining lights into every corner and getting all sorts of good wisdom nuggets in return. I've been working on myself and not that I'm perfect now, but I want to take advantage of this post (it's my first public post in months). If I'm going to get naked, I really want to be naked. And provocative. I want the girl next to me to be naked and just there. But I want to make people go "wow! She's BRAVE!" That's the kind of statement I want to make.

So, I want to be a singer. It's all I've dreamed about since I was a child. One day, someone, who unexplainably had great importance in my life, told me it was a stupid unrealistic dream. And I believed him. I'm 28 now. I have a supportive husband. And I'm tired of being unhappy. I feel alive when I sing. It's my expression. It's my fun. It's my voice to be heard. So for the past few years I've been trying to find my way back into music...and how to make it a habit (practicing), to chase after it in the midst of other commitments and how to listen to that inner artist in me and honor it.

I'm currently enrolled in a Songwriter/Singer certificate program at Berklee Music Online. It's amazing. I've learned so much in the past year it's amazing. This semester has been my favorite so far: Lyric Writing. I've found, through constructive criticism by my teacher and by my fellow classmates, that I am a talented writer. I've found tools to help me clarify my thoughts and bring them to life by expanding them. I've been able to tune into all of my senses with ease and flexibility. I feel very happy when I write. But I still don't know my inner artist, what her voice sounds like, how to listen for it...what to do with it when I find that.

I know that when I put my mind to something I can accomplish it. I have drive, determination and motivation...it's been lost for awhile and I'm slowly finding it back again. I want to be so excited by making music that I find stolen moments every where to make it happen. 5 minutes to focus on listening to a song, 10 minutes to figuring out a verse on the guitar, 20 minutes to jot down a down idea, 30 minutes to learn keyboard...but I don't find myself naturally motivated to gravitate towards these things. Why is something that causes me so much joy so difficult to be drawn to? I feel many times the stolen moments have been hogged up by "Facebooking" or reading an article online, watching TV, chatting with a friend...etc etc. These aren't bad things....but I wish music was more of my stolen moments.

I don't know how to describe what I'm looking for. If it's inspiration or motivation. I think it's a bit of both, plus confidence and trust in my inner voice.

My name is Laura. I love Frame of Mind and the growth I've been able to experience from showing up. I want to find my inner artist and know her voice like I know my own heartbeat. Thanks for listening.

You U Coach Savina | pop  Last night I watched the movie, Warrior, for the second time. My brother and sister in law came over and I wanted them to see it. They too loved it.
It's a very intense movie, with a lot of fighting in it (martial arts/boxing) but it's also filled with drama, love, forgiveness. I love it.
Watching it a second time, I noticed that even when someone knows and masters a discipline of some sort....like a sport, in order to get back into shape, they still need a trainer, or coach.
Sometimes as a life coach, I can feel....is it of value what I have to offer? The movie answered that clearly. YES!!! We all need support, motivation, someone to hold us accountable to our commitment, a reminder of a goal we have in mind to reach, a habit to break, a new one to incorporate.
At some point in our life journey, we feel we need that someone who is there for us. Being a life coach, I actually am that for my clients!!!

Allison Crow | pop  Wow.... I realize how much I have GOT to get out and about...I would like to ask the universe for more opportunity to teach classes and workshops...especially along the coaching line (vs viz thinking).... I went to a Psychic workshop today...and it was like being electrically charged...my batteries got a boost.... I could feel my energy firing up and pinging....
I'm not sure how...and opportunities for teaching and coaching in person and small to medium groups will come to me.
I do have the retreat and I am nervous and stoked all at the same time. I would love to do 2 of those retreats a year.... how juicy! It is jan....and by April...all the perfect people will be gathered there....I can FEEL the energy and connection and sharing and renewal NOW!

2012 really is opening up! feeling jazzed and excited.

YOU U Coach Maggie | pop  Today in the world I see and feel so many awesome things. It is my birthday today and I have received many, many birthday wishes on Facebook from people all over the world, some of whom I have never met. I have received awesome e-cards, musical messages and all sorts of loving greetings.

I have received and accepted so much love from all of those awesome people, and am so grateful to be me on this day.

I have also received some awesome presents - diamond earrings from my husband (because it is my diamond birthday he said). They are small and beautiful and he chose them himself. That is totally awesome! A bouquet of flowers too from him. So thoughtful and I am very grateful to him.

A friend has made me a special birthday cake, eggless as I can't eat eggs. That is her birthday present to me. That is awesome too, she has put so much time and energy into and I am so grateful to her.

The day is only half way through and I am so thrilled already. Thank you everyone.

KarenBeth | pop  Well, i got to walk...it was cold but i love it...i was warm.
so i got to thinking and this topic keeps showing up suicide.
a very dear friend of mine committed suicide. i had talked her out of it a couple years ago. but she was in idaho. the memorial for here was couple weeks ago..her mom is a friend as well...she is 80. her daughter my friend was close to 60. a couple weeks ago i called on a sunday to make sure MOM was ok because i hadnt called her for awhile. she told me she called me and the phone number wasnt good. the memorial was saturday. i missed it...i got mad at her for what she did...then i felt guilty because i wasnt there for her. i realize there is a mourning period and its a cycle...part of the issue i guess is have attempted suicide myself...i know what its like to be so low...i know other people know what its like...to feel so alone and feel like no-one cares and feel like a failure... and that everyone would be better off if i was gone.also to feel bad for who and what i am...not being good enough...whats sad is her scars didnt heal...and she was also angry...i was too...then something happened...not sure when, i was thinking and realized all my hate and anger was gone...im proud of what and who i am. i came on here because of my health...then suicide comes up...so im mad because i needed to talk to her, to tell her how scared i was...we had shared so much! i guess she was like a sister...i wrote a journal...and was living from couch to couch and she let me put some stuff in her car, but i had disappeared on a run, so she was going to throw it away...but something caught her eye...she read it and started to

cry...she was one of those tough ladies that WONT cry...we caught up to each other. she couldnt believe what i had gone through and started to understand me, and then started to talk about our lives, laughing, crying...she said she couldnt take anymore...that she had a gun and was just going to end it...i said what about your grandchildren? and everyone else that would have to deal with her being gone...then i was doing something she didnt approve of because it wasnt who i was...she got mad and said that as long as i was destroying myself she didnt want anything to do with me...and now shes gone! and im doing better and quit that junk...we felt each others pain...she told me i was just a lost little girl and just needed someone to care...i told her she had a lot to offer her grandchildren...she was very creative, enjoyed playing with them...they brought out the best in her..what i appreciated about her, she was HONEST! no holding back whether positive or negative...she told me i was beautiful and that there would be someone for me...i told her the same...soul sister? and now shes gone...her trusting me and sharing herself helped me to let my walls down...and not feel ashamed...when my symptoms started getting worse i wanted to talk to her because i knew she would understand...so here i am...saying good-bye to a very special lady, dealing with my health and making new friends...and on top of all this i am going thru peri-menopause!!! so good-bye my sister, and hello to my new friends...thank-you, KarenBeth

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Allison Crow | pop  Groan. I'm totally irritated and so I came to the journal to release it. I've been working on a custom project....and I don't do the back and forth over and over and over real well. After a final review and print...the client is finding mistakes none of us saw at the beginning. They are my mistakes...and I set up in the process to have a zillion people edit so once we get to final proof stage..... I don't have to go back in and in and in and in. Actually, going back in isn't so bad, because I can often fix things (spelling) in photoshop...just a quick fix and I'm happy to do it.....
and my freaking dinosaur computer doesn't want to play with the large file and the software...keeps crashing. So things are uninstalling now while I release the pressure of the irritation....

I feel so exposed when my artwork is in print.... and for clients. OF COURSE they want perfection...and I am much more comfortable in the mess is the masterpiece... I find myself wanting to pull back the offerings and services.... and i find myself being critical of my self for being so puny.

So I will trade up.
This job ---would be more than half the cost of the new computer you'd like.
I can eventually figure it out with this computer....I've got time and no one is pressuring me....

Just breathe and work through it in the small steps.... no biggie. I might be able to find someone on FB with photoshop to make the tee tiny edits....
it is good to experience frustration and annoyance...so that I can find the path of joy and peace again.
of course it is personal when you put your art out there, Allison....and I'm so proud of you for putting it out there. You are brave and beautiful and perfectly imperfect...sharing with the world it what you do...and you are fine, even when there are mistakes. YOU are not your art work...YOU are not your profession, YOU are not your mistakes or even your perfection.....YOU are something else..your value is in your BEING not in your doing....

and Yes..I spell vizualization with a Z because us funky graphic recorders in the VIZ biZ do that...just like I spell Kamp with a K because I worked at Kids Across America Kamps for 5 years.....

YOU U Creator Maia | pop  My first adventure into spirituality happened when I was 25, newly married, newly moved across country away from my very troublesome parents and no longer so strongly influenced by the people I grew up with who seemed then (and still largely) seem very different then I am.

This nice Jewish girl joined an international, inter-denominational spiritual organization because I really thought spirituality was very cool. I was still young enough with almost zero self-esteem, to want to look cool to the world. (Now that I know that no one is looking and who cares if they are, I KNOW I am cool.)

The reason I'm writing about this is because I just realized a bit of programming I picked up from one of the "spiritual" people I thought was cool. She said (and I thought she was so profound), "You can't move to a new house until your old one is in order." Now of course it's possible that she was talking about some esoteric truth but truly I doubt it. I suspect she was as young and clueless as I was.

Anyway that would mean when I create the income I desire, I won't be able to move to a place I'd rather live in until I re-paint the one I'm in? No, I think not.

I do not believe the Universe would treat me like that. All I need to continue to know is my worthiness and pay attention to my emotional vibe and I know can have anything I want.

KarenBeth | pop  I wasnt going to write tonite...was so, so, tired...my muscles have not felt that fatigued before...im writing this to keep track of my symptoms and stuff so i can let the drs know whats going on...and then maybe when i look back in a few days.
Rigth now my thoughts are so BUSY...this is when i cant concentrate...tomorrow going to work on what i need to, to get the help i need...also look for support groups on MS....i wrote last night on here and dont see it...i get frustratewd when im like this...so i will do what a friend tells me to do...BREATH....so here is my thought to wipe out negativity for the night...wait...fell asleep earlier so it will be a LONG NIGHT!!!

I am remembering my little road trip to Reno...I lived in Quincy Ca and it was maybe an hour drive to Reno...i would take that trip when i needed to get away...I LOVE TO DRIVE!!! my first car was a chevy nova 72...four door BUT with a decent stereo...i mostly live on music, always have,not much of a television watcher...ANYWAY, it would take me a little bit...i remember having to pass thru a town or two...i would have my music on...and it would be such a beautiful day...tank and shorts...the only time when it was hot i would wear my hair dow...cuz i would get to this stretch...i would go soooo fast...my favorite album was tina turner...break every rule...ooooosuch freeeedom!!! blasting the music...the windows down...and the wind making my hair all crazy!!! part of the thrill was going soooo fast and not getting caught!!! lol....my headache is gone!!! whew!!! feel so much better...remember the One who Cares...okay...what does that mean? text is too short? tried to submit and it said that my text was too short!