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Fearless Way to Ask For a Date

by Kim Ades May 26, 2017

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I had just landed back in Toronto after a weekend in Montreal. I was happy to be home and looking forward to seeing my husband, Allan, after a fairly emotional trip visiting my mother. It had only been two weeks since my father passed away and my mind was still mulling over the conversations I had with my siblings about how to take care of my mother in this new circumstance.

As I headed off the plane, I had only one mission in front of me – to find the closest bathroom. I was walking with determination when I felt a tap on my shoulder. A tall, dark and rather handsome man stood next to me.

“Are you going to Toronto?” he asked. His accent was noticeable.

I thought it was a bit of an odd question seeing as we were already in Toronto, but I said, “Yes, I am going to Toronto.”

“I was on the plane with you from Montreal. What’s your name?”

I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to get that personal with this stranger, but decided to go with it to see where this conversation was headed.

“My name is Kim.”

He held out his hand and said, “My name is Welcome.”

I shook his hand, marveling over his name. “Welcome? Wow, what a cool name.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I live in Montreal but I am going to my country in the Congo.”

“Nice to meet you!”

“You are a beautiful woman.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa… me? Beautiful? Where did that come from?

I was definitely taken aback.

“Thank you.”

“Can I have your phone number?” he inquired.

I finally understood where this was going… a man from the Congo who lived in Montreal was proposing that we date.

“No, I’m sorry – I’m married.”

“I understand. We have to respect that.” He did not push his proposal any further.

“Thank you. It was nice to meet you. Have a great trip to the Congo.”

I was dumbstruck – it’s been forever since I’ve had THAT kind of interaction. I walked away feeling pretty good. “I still got it” was the thought that ran through my head. What a lovely gift to break up the intensity of the past couple of weeks.

I’ve thought about that conversation several times since that day…

Welcome – what an absolutely awesome name. I did not even notice him until he tapped me on the shoulder. I am usually pretty aware of my surroundings – how come I didn’t see him earlier? It’s not like I made eye contact with him prior to our conversation – where did he muster up the courage to ask for my number? And while I didn’t give him my number, did he lose anything in the process? No! He took a chance and carried on just fine after I said no. He just decided to ask for what he wanted.

Ask for what you want. It’s a simple concept and even if you don’t always get the response that you are looking for, don’t be afraid to ask again and again (with different people of course!) – it’s the only way you stand a chance.

If the idea of asking for what you want fills you with anxiety, it may be worth taking a moment to fill out our assessment so that you can begin to understand how this discomfort is affecting other areas of your life. This is definitely something we can help with!

 

Experience the Frame of Mind Assessment Interview Kim Ades

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